so.... this is what change feels like

[loveflyfree]

so once upon a time I was xandersgrrl and then for a very long time I was queenbitter and now, I dunno but it felt like it was time for a change.

so if you're wondering who the fuck this new person on your flist is... it's just me. *waves hi*

1. My username is _____ because ____.

loveflyfree. it's a lyric from my very favorite Tony Lucca song - 'Songbird'

Songbird sing us a love song
And heal our broken hearts with your melody
Songbird bring us a new song
Let this love fly free

2. My journal is titled ____ because ____.

'i feel sick' from one of my very favorite comics of the same name. it's the story of a girl who has very bad luck with men, a job she hates, and her artistic creations might be coming to life and trying to destroy her. or she's just going crazy. :)

3. My subtitle is ____ because ____.

'and why the fuck am i wearing a bear suit?' is also from 'i feel sick.' it's funny. trust me. :)

4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.

'TALK TO SPOOKY!!' which is yet again from 'i feel sick.' yes there is a bit of a theme here. anyway, you should all talk to spooky. it will make you feel better. *squeek squeek*

5. My default userpic is ____ because ____.

now it probably really should be
just to continue with the whole theme as this is a picture of Devi, the hero of our story.
however, it is actually
because Jack Davenport is smirking at me. and uh. yeah that's all I got.

*****

so I've been clicking around lj and looking up old friends and I've come to the realization that I suck. I let people slip away all the time and don't do a damn thing to fight for them. I get drawn into the fights of my friends and I choose sides and I let the other side melt away as if they were never there. here's the thing. I very rarely go out and make friends on my own. I just kinda let my friends tell me who I should be hanging out with. which is fine yeah. it's a perfectly legitimate way to meet new people. but then, if original friend and new friend have a falling out... I will almost always side with original friend. which again, isn't necessarily bad, except that there really is no reason why I should have to pick a side at all. I'm in my mid-30's for fucks sake. I'm pretty sure that I can have more than one friend. *sigh*

I dunno. I've just looked up a couple of people that I miss and I don't know how to approach them. like 'hi remember me, I bailed when you were zomg meen.' there's just no good way. and believe me, I have no problem swallowing my pride, I just don't know if these people want to know me again. I'm not sure I would give me a second chance either.

Comments

[apetslife.livejournal.com]

Wait...for a long time you were Queenbitter, right? *is confused* I am too senile to keep all this straight! *grin*

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

i fixed it! html is smarter than I am! :)

[researchgrrrl.livejournal.com]

I quite like the new name. :)

As for the weightier bit, I personally think a version of what you wrote here about your regrets over the end of the friendship would be a lovely way to go about it. Even if they don't decide to pick up again with you, you'll at least know you did something to offset your own regrets. *shrug* Just my opinion and all that jazz.

*hugs*

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

thanks. :)

and yeah, I think I might do that. with one person in particular, and I can go about it without the deliberate vagueness I have up above, I think this approach might work quite well. we shall see.

also question? are you going to wincon again this year? I went last year and was quite hermity which yes seems like a ridiculous way to be at a con, but I am nothing if not ridiculous in many many ways. so there are several people on my flist that I meant to go talk to... and yet never did. I'm going again this year and have vowed to step outside my comfort zone. I don't think a weekend of this is asking my oh so delicate psyche for too much. :D

[researchgrrrl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, actually, I will be attending WinCon this year. A friend bought a membership for me as a gift, which just delighted me to no end. I look forward to meeting you in person and getting to chat when you have the time (and should you have the inclination) at the convention.

Personally, I need a lot of private time at a con because I am talking to so many different people. I totally get being hermity in that sort of situation. I've only recently learned how to balance out the quiet time I need with the chattiness I enjoy. It can be tricky to do, though.

[shutyourface.livejournal.com]

Hee! I totally knew what your new name was from before you explained it! La Lucca!

I think you should go for it, with the old friends thing. They might reciprocate your feelings and even if they don't, at least you can say you tried. *smishes you*

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

heeee. I figured a handful of people on ye olde flist would recognize the lyric.

and thanks honey. *hugz*