I just don't know where I belong

[loveflyfree]

meh.

I'm having trouble adjusting back to real life. like we all joked about it being weird going back to work and what not and not seeing anyone dressed as a storm-trooper and that's a tiny part of it. mostly for me, I think it's trying to get back into the way I relate to my friends here.

most of you know that I'm a pretty sarcastic (and hopefully funny) person. and yes, often times I will say things without thinking, but I never truly mean any harm by it. I would say that within the group of people I spent my days and nights with in San Diego that we were all pretty evenly matched in personality and while all of us are opinionated, none of us take that personally, or at least try not to.

here though, a difference in opinion is often seen as a personal attack. and while I had gotten pretty good at keeping most of my thoughts to myself, just those few days of freedom to really be myself have made it hard to slip back into that role. I like my friends here, don't get me wrong, but I'm just tired of always being the one who has to change. but I also know that it's not really reasonable for me to expect others to change to accomodate me. so I believe I'm firmly stuck at the junction of rock and hard place.

ugh. I fail at interpersonal relationships.

Comments

[bossymarmalade.livejournal.com]

It's almost alarming how well we all mesh, innit? But since I live with two of the monkeys from last weekend, I can tell you that there's a special vacation magic that happens to smooth everything over. Once you're back home you fall into the same old habits of finding the same old things irritating.

I dunno if that's *comforting* to hear, per se, but the point is that you are not a freak or socially deficient in some way!

*loves*

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

I think a big part of it is because I'm used to interacting with people online, I'm used to sifting through how things are said and how they appear to get to what people actually mean. and being exposed to so many different points of view has helped it so someone can say something negative about something I like, and I know that the person still likes me. who knew the interwebs could be good for something?! ;p

and I know that things wouldn't always be puppies and rainbows with all of us, but damn did it feel good to just be... me. :)

*loves you right back*

[canellaphile.livejournal.com]

No, you don't fail! I'm of the mindset that the rest of the world is clearly lacking in proper geekyness.

:) Can I friend ya?
(psst, it's Mel, if my mysterious username didn't give it away)

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

well clearly they can't all be as geekycool as all of us. :D

and of course! :)

Why don't people know that we are the true gods??!!

[silvrsolace.livejournal.com]

awww...my poor mommy hen!!! You are fabulous - I really enjoyed spending time with you in San Diego, and it so crazy-making to hear you are not feeling like you can be you - cause you are so, so, so...funny, articulate, smart, witty, comforting, independent and truly fantastic! My dear friend BOSSY up there really put it quite perfectly...when you've had a taste of what you can be like without the baggage or old patterns of relationships, the same song and dance you're use to tripping along, you come back and notice those irritating things that much more, cause you've had that recent comparison.

Re-orienting is a bitch! But you still have us, hon! We may be scattered, but we're reachable - so reach out and touch someone, just not right there, cause that'll cost you some money!

*snuggles!!*

Re: Why don't people know that we are the true gods??!!

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

*tackles*

see if y'all weren't so awesome I wouldn't have such a hard time adjusting back. :D

I talked with one of my friends here (not the ones that I've been having trouble with, but someone who has been having troubles herself) and that helped quite a bit. I think just being able to get some of this stuff out, whether it's here in my journal or talking to my friend M, helps immensely.

and I had SO MUCH FUN with you and all the other girls (and Tom!) It's so funny because I am NO GOOD at meeting new people and have to really try hard not to immediately retreat into my shell but for whatever reason this trip was almost effortless. I mostly put that down to all of us being made of awesome (and sparkle... spaaaarkle.)

oh flights to Vancouver... why so expensive?

*snuggles*

[glockgal.livejournal.com]

oh flights to Vancouver... why so expensive?

ZOMG DON'T TEASE. XD XD

Anyway, I agree with everything sister and Mel and Sabu have said. Do you think if we all lived in one big commune, it might be easier for us to justify our relationship dynamics? I don't know. We might just end up as stiff and shallow as the 'real life' people. Seeing each other is a brief but always magical moment that makes me reassured that there are indeed fellow kindred spirits located all over the world. And that's a wonderful thing - so much sparkle concentrated in one small area might implode on itself!

Also, Cook 'n Archie on that Teen CHoice Awards - AHAHAH COOK WAS LIKE SO AMUSED BY DAVID A's INCREDIBLY AWKWARDNESS AND LINE DELIVERY. It was like he was trying to make up for it be being extra happy and bouyant. LOLS. I THOUGHT OF YOU. XD

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

oh I don't think everything would be sunshine and puppies if we were in some big commune. I've lived with fangirls before. I know what it's like. ;p

I just. there was a freedom that I felt with all of you that I don't feel in my normal day to day life and it was really hard to give that up. I've pretty much settled back into my routine here, and it's fine. like I have friends that I care about and care about me and I'm grateful.

OH DAVIDS! ♥ and can I just tell you HOW HAPPY it makes me that people think of me when they see David Cook? SO SO HAPPY. :D I actually haven't watched it yet, but I'm sure the interwebs will provide me with clips of all the madness. David A is so awesomely awkward. I just want to wrap him in a blanket and feed him soup.

[glockgal.livejournal.com]

I am like soooo grateful we have our little fellowship, like. After all the nightmare stories I hear about fangirl internet meet-ups gone wrooong. Duhn duhn DUHNNNNN.

LOL I think Davic C was thinking the same thing as you. He was all like "How can I adore this kid without looking too condescending on national television?"

CHECK IT OUT SO HILARIOUS AND CUTE. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMt4SnLWlkQ&feature=related)

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

oh. ahahahahahhaha SO CUTE. the look on Cook's face as Archie is just kinda rambling. <33333333

those boys. I tell ya.