the state of me

[loveflyfree]

1. so a few months ago I started seeing what I thought might be blood when I went to the bathroom. and like any idiot (which I so clearly am) I ignored it. until it got too bad to ignore. so off I go to the doctor (a new one because my old one, while nice enough had the STAFF FROM HELL and this one is both awesome and has an awesome staff) and the first thing she does is put me back on my BP meds which I never should have been off of in the first place (see aforementioned wretched staff + me being an idiot) and sends me for ALL THE TESTS. also I get put on antibiotics because I have a sinus infection so bad that all the sneezing has fractured my nose. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING ABOUT THAT. I MANAGED TO BREAK MY OWN NOSE. BY SNEEZING. it's not bad really, just a crack in the cartlidge but some days it hurts like a motherfucker and other days I hardly notice it. FUN. anyway. in the span of about 4 days I get hit with the following:

a. need stonger antibiotics because my nose laughed at the original ones
b. refered to gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy because really you're not supposed to bleed from there
c. oh hey you know that high bp you inherited from dad? well you got his diabetes too.
d. and by the way your pap smear is abnormal.

I reacted in a super adult manner which was pretty much sticking my fingers in my ears and going LALALALALALALALALA for a couple of days before I conceded that this plan was not actually helping. so. at this point I have an appointment with the tummy doctor to stick things in places I would rather she wouldn't but if it means an end to the gore (and I will spare you the details there) then fine stick whatever wherever you need. my doctor is refering me to an gyno who can actually find out if the abnormal thing means a problem with my lady bits or just a test gone awry. I'm on diabetes meds and get to test my blood sugar twice a day (good thing I don't mind needles and/or blood) and my nose is mostly behaving except for the sometimes deciding 'hey I feel like being really god damn painful.' all I have to say is that I really hope this is the end of the health bullshit because I honestly don't think I can deal with anything else.

as a result of all this I've dropped probably 25-30 pounds since October. that was actually my first clue (other than things I'm an idiot about) that something was NOT GOOD. anyway. hopefully I get some answers in January and the doctors can put me back together.

2. GUYS LET'S TALK ABOUT THE HOBBIT TRAILER. like maybe how I burst into tears the first time I watched it. or how it is utter perfection. or maybe just how this movie looks to be as perfectly cast as the trilogy was. WHY IS IT NOT NEXT DECEMBER YET?

3. I'm leaving tomorrow for home and will be spending until just after the New Year in California. there are no words to describe how happy I am to be going home. I realize I am lucky to have the relationships that I do with my family and I know spending time with them will help center and calm me. plus time spent with the nieces is always good times.

4. school continues and also continues to annoy me. I rocked the hell out of this semester, getting all A's but the program I'm in and frankly the school are kind of jacked up. I think I'm going to end up transferring schools which is probably going to put me back some. AWESOME. oh well. I was hoping to amass even more student loan debt.

5. Prometheus. is Michael Fassbender's character an android? there's something about the way he holds himself that just screams that to me. it's possible I'm crazy.

6. in other upcoming movie news, The Dark Knight Rises trailer rocked my world, Wrath of the Titans made me cringe and giggle and I'm totally going to see that shit and The Woman in Black continues to scare the fuck out of me. GAH.

7. yeah there's no way this list is getting to 10. happy holidays everyone. ♥

Comments

[affectingly.livejournal.com]

Good luck with the health stuff. It's always scary and intimidating. I HOPE IT WILL BE OKAY. I need you whole and healthy, Reg. <333

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

I HOPE IT WILL BE OKAY TOO. thanks bb! ♥

[rivers-bend.livejournal.com]

That is a whole lot on your plate at once! I hope that all the meds work out and you're on the mend soon. Have a good visit with your family! *all the hugs*

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

yeah I think it was more that I got all this news at once rather than the individual problems.

thank you bb! *snuggles* ♥

[livehead16.livejournal.com]

yeesh. i hope all the health woes get untangled very soon. that sounds like a load of unfun. hang in there. ♥ ♥

have a great trip to cali. merry holiday times!

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

yeah it's not really all that fun but hopefully by the end of january I'll be on the mend. I guess we'll see.

hope your holidays are going well. ♥

[cathybites.livejournal.com]

ugh, health stuff. I went to the doctor a few months ago for the first time in...er. a very long time, and it was like, 'O HAI, SOME ISSUES YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT.' so yeah. Feeling you on that. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. <333

re: Prometheus: I remember reading something somewhere about that, but don't remember if it was mere speculation or heavily rumored. er. me = helpful. :D

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

yeah I guess that's what we get for not going to the doctor regularly? or something? all I know is that if I keep this weight off I'm buying a new dress from PUG. my priorities might be a tad screwed up.

okay yeah I hadn't even heard if other people were speculating but there is just something about him that looks really... not human. I think it might be the hair.

♥

[ficangel.livejournal.com]

Ugh, all the hugs for you. Abnormal paps smears are actually very common, I'm sure it's nothing.

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

yeah. unfortunately that piece of news was totally the straw that broke me. there may have been a plan made that if my lady bits are incapable of producing a mini-me then I was going to move out of my apartment to somewhere I could have cats and start becoming a crazy cat lady.

apparently I already have the crazy part down!

♥

[ficangel.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetie. *hugs* Cervical cancer runs in my family, and if it's caught early (and this sound like early even if the overwhelming odds of "nothing" fall in favor of "something") they can just use the melon-baller method (totally a medical term, would I lie to you?) to scoop that sucker out without touching anything else. My mom had my brother after she was diagnosed. You're going to be perfectly okay.

[loveflyfree.livejournal.com]

hhahaha. melon-baller is totally a medical term. I'm pretty sure I studied it last semester. :D anyway I know that it's likely to be nothing. but thank you. ♥