I don't pretend to know why I try

what's amazing is that I'm surprised. every. single. time. brushed aside, forgotten, nothing more than yesterday's trash. and the gaping hole inside that I stupidly stupidly thought was healed over is ripped open one more time.

the thing is. I never realize until it's too late that I'm kind of a douche and it's probably all my fault to begin with. and I never know if I'm supposed to talk about it or if it's just going to be swept back and do we continue like nothing is wrong or just. I don't know.

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and I'm going to go ahead and leave that up there. I wrote that about an hour ago. and then my mom called. I don't know how that woman does it, how she is always able to tell the exact moment that I need to hear her voice, but wow am I glad that this is her superpower. ♥